I have a slight problem with perfectionism. Normally, I would be proud of being a perfectionist because it means I put out great work and get lots of attention for it, but in this case it's a bad thing. Why? Because I don't write enough. I think that everything I write has to be "epic" before it can be released to the world, and that means less of my world is shared with all of you.
Last fall I wrote three blogs per month...how absolutely pathetic. I experienced so much more than what I wrote about, but I hesitated to share because of my insecurity; the insecurity and fear of being judged if my writing isn't perfect. I have this complex that tells me I'm only worth something if I don't make any mistakes, and I'd like to work through that until that fear becomes less and less powerful as time goes on, because as we all know, everyone makes mistakes. I've made many in my day and I know I'll make many more, which means I need to become more accepting of myself, especially when those mistakes are made and not except when.
So, how do I start? I'll begin with setting a goal: I will write a blog AT LEAST once a week whether I feel like it or not; whether I'm inspired to or not. If I write more than that, bonus, but I'm committing to once a week. I just want to write more whether or not they are "epic", creatively crafted with a clever metaphor or embedded with lessons of personal growth and change. I'm inspired by those who can write about their experiences without needing every sentence to be perfect, so here I go. I am not perfect. And maybe, just maybe, I'll eventually realize while on this journey that there is beauty in imperfection. :)
May 29, 2011
May 10, 2011
The Returning
Ok, so before I even start in on what I created this post for, I feel the need to explain the name change and blog revamping. For those of you who were following my blog while I was in Italy last year, you have an idea of what it looked like before, with the name 'My Life in Italy'. I know, super original. Now that I'm once again starting up this blog since I'll be leaving in a month for Italy, it called desperately for new life. I wanted something that was a truer expression of myself and more creative, so I changed the background, the colors, and most importantly, the title. This time around I'll be doing a bit more traveling outside of Italy, since financially the situation is a little different than last time. Therefore, I didn't want the blog to call only to Italy, but to the world. So here it is, I'm officially a wanderer! :)
Alrighty! For those of you who don't already know, I am leaving in less than a month for Italy to try on the new experience of being an au pair for a beautiful Italian family living in a little town next to Pisa. If you're not familiar with the term 'au pair', it is a French word that basically means nanny or babysitter (in exchange for room and board). I could not have thought up a better deal, better timing or a better situation and I feel so extremely lucky to be able to experience such a thing.
It's so surreal to think back on where I was at this time last year; I was scrambling to try to scrape enough money together in order to pay for the study abroad program, stressing out every minute of every day. This time I feel like I'm light-years ahead, effortlessly attracting everything I need and finally emotionally stable. This time it will just be me...no group of Americans to compare myself to and follow when I don't know where to go in the airport. In a way, it's a little nerve-racking but at the same time it's unbelievably thrilling. There's nothing like going to a "foreign" place by yourself that makes you grow in ways you never thought possible.
While getting ready to depart, I came across a little road bump called a visa. I started researching how to get one a couple months ago since this time I'm staying over the 90 day allowance and I'm not studying, working for an Italian company, or have a house of my own. The one I'm most interested in is of course a long-stay visa, since at some point in my life I'd love to live there, but at this point (legally) I am unable to do so. According to my research, in order to be eligible for a long-stay visa I would have to be retired, have secure, sustainable income and have a place to live (in my name), and obviously that doesn't describe me. I mean, I understand that they don't want foreigners taking their precious, hard-to-come-by jobs but COME ON! I promise I won't steal your jobs! I'll even spend American and European money in your country! If they only knew me they would understand that I have no harmful intentions or hidden motives whatsoever and I'm just truly in love with Italy and Italian culture. So that whole conversation is a bit frustrating, but it is what it is and I accept it. So for now I'm just wingin' it, unless someone knows something I don't or has a better idea that doesn't include marrying an Italian ;)
So I'll be off on my next adventure soon, not only to Italy but to planned trips to England, France, Switzerland, and possibly Ireland (the first three of which have been made possible by Giulia and her family). I'm unbelievably grateful for the chance to further experience an Italian life and further my Italian language skills just by being surrounded by it. I'm sure there will be off days and little road bumps here and there, and though parts of me are a bit scared of really living my dreams, I am more sure that I'm happier to take calculated risks and live to my utmost fullest.
I've always wondered why I come alive there in ways I never could here, and now I know that it's because I'm not leaving my home but going to it; I am returning to Italy, my home.
Alrighty! For those of you who don't already know, I am leaving in less than a month for Italy to try on the new experience of being an au pair for a beautiful Italian family living in a little town next to Pisa. If you're not familiar with the term 'au pair', it is a French word that basically means nanny or babysitter (in exchange for room and board). I could not have thought up a better deal, better timing or a better situation and I feel so extremely lucky to be able to experience such a thing.
It's so surreal to think back on where I was at this time last year; I was scrambling to try to scrape enough money together in order to pay for the study abroad program, stressing out every minute of every day. This time I feel like I'm light-years ahead, effortlessly attracting everything I need and finally emotionally stable. This time it will just be me...no group of Americans to compare myself to and follow when I don't know where to go in the airport. In a way, it's a little nerve-racking but at the same time it's unbelievably thrilling. There's nothing like going to a "foreign" place by yourself that makes you grow in ways you never thought possible.
While getting ready to depart, I came across a little road bump called a visa. I started researching how to get one a couple months ago since this time I'm staying over the 90 day allowance and I'm not studying, working for an Italian company, or have a house of my own. The one I'm most interested in is of course a long-stay visa, since at some point in my life I'd love to live there, but at this point (legally) I am unable to do so. According to my research, in order to be eligible for a long-stay visa I would have to be retired, have secure, sustainable income and have a place to live (in my name), and obviously that doesn't describe me. I mean, I understand that they don't want foreigners taking their precious, hard-to-come-by jobs but COME ON! I promise I won't steal your jobs! I'll even spend American and European money in your country! If they only knew me they would understand that I have no harmful intentions or hidden motives whatsoever and I'm just truly in love with Italy and Italian culture. So that whole conversation is a bit frustrating, but it is what it is and I accept it. So for now I'm just wingin' it, unless someone knows something I don't or has a better idea that doesn't include marrying an Italian ;)
So I'll be off on my next adventure soon, not only to Italy but to planned trips to England, France, Switzerland, and possibly Ireland (the first three of which have been made possible by Giulia and her family). I'm unbelievably grateful for the chance to further experience an Italian life and further my Italian language skills just by being surrounded by it. I'm sure there will be off days and little road bumps here and there, and though parts of me are a bit scared of really living my dreams, I am more sure that I'm happier to take calculated risks and live to my utmost fullest.
I've always wondered why I come alive there in ways I never could here, and now I know that it's because I'm not leaving my home but going to it; I am returning to Italy, my home.
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