There has been a lot going on lately regarding gay rights and the resistance that's come along with deciding whether or not it should be allowed (again). After what happened with Chik-Fil-A, I was inspired to write about gay rights in general, seeing as I've never written about it for fear of being thought gay myself by others...but then I realized that what others think of me is really none of my business.
Before I dive in, however, I want to make a disclaimer. By writing this blog, I am only stating my own truth and sharing what my personal beliefs are. My intention is not to bash anyone else's or make them wrong or bad. I am here to express myself creatively from a place of love. If you agree with me, that's great; if not, that's okay too--we all have a right to our own thoughts and feelings.
Now that that's been said, I will begin. This topic hits close to home, and when I say close, I mean an asteroid just blew up our house. As most of my peers from high school and beyond know, my mom is lesbian. Yes boys and girls, she likes women. She has been with her partner since I was three years old, so the gay issue has been an ongoing steady presence in my life. In the beginning, it was normal to me and felt completely normal, other than the fact that my father was heartbroken, angry and uptight whenever we (my sisters and I) mentioned the two of them. In my inner world, I couldn't see a problem because I loved them both, and I didn't have the capacity at that time to fully understand the situation.
The first problems I remember encountering in my external world started happening from 6th grade on. Certain people from school started making lude comments about my mom being gay, and that's when shame welcomed itself into my conscious emotions, and made me feel like who my mom was, was wrong. I thought I had been secretive and selective of who I told along the way, but when 8th grade came around and a popular girl caught wind of this, it spread like wildfire. This shame and anger made me say and do things that I was not proud of to the people that made fun of my mom and of me. Some of those actions made me really unpopular with my peers, and I understand why. I was really mean and lashed out, all because I was scared of people thinking that I was the same way and liked girls.
It wasn't until junior and senior year of high school that my inner world started to calm down around the issue. Once I was fully capable of understanding what was going on and feeling a little more comfortable in my own skin, I accepted my mom and her partner for who they were, individually and as a couple. I knew deep down that just because my mom loved a woman didn't mean that I was the same way. Ironically, the minute I became comfortable with the idea, external comments started to fade, because I didn't give them any emotional power. It also helped that my sisters were there the last two years of my high school career; I didn't have to brave it completely alone :)
Needless to say, my journey to acceptance of this issue wasn't an easy one, even when my own mother was part of it, so I understand that not everyone will have or has had an easy time with it. Nowadays, if anyone asks what my family life is like, I'll tell them; I don't have any more qualms regarding my mother's sexual orientation. And as a side note, I'm proud to say that my mom and her partner are still together after 18 years, and are better than ever :) I think that's more than most hetero marriages can account for...just a guess.
When the whole drama with Chik-Fil-A first came out (no pun intended), I have to admit: I was really angry...angrier than I've been with most other anti-gay campaigns. I've never given too much emotional thought to the battle of gay rights in the past, since both of my moms never really gave a hoot about all the hooyah. But I guess this particular campaign caught me at a weak moment, because I was MAD. I thought, seriously? Thousands of people are buying greasy, fatty foods to support this anti-gay company (or rather, the CEO who is anti-gay marriage)?! It just didn't make any sense to me, and I was especially offended by "friends" on Facebook, posting statuses such as, "isn't their leadership great?", blah blah blah. This lead to making feisty comments and loud posts stating my beliefs (which I hardly ever do), which brought me to some intense self-reflection and deep thought. If I had never been this wound up over things of this manner, why was this time different?
I started thinking in terms of the world, not limited to gay rights, because throughout our whole history, we've had uprisings and suppressors of every kind: battle with women's rights and chauvinistic males, abolishment of slavery and slave holders, battle with black rights (after they were no longer slaves on a wide scale) against whites, and now we have moved on to gay rights against religious leaders and politicians. The thing that made my anger fizzle out was the realization that every single one of these battles was won at some point: women received rights, slavery was abolished, blacks eventually ceased to be segregated, and I'm confident that gay's right to marriage will no longer be an issue in the near future.
What each of these groups in the past were doing, was fighting for freedom and the chance to live like they wanted to live without being told what they could and couldn't do, where they could or couldn't go, or who they could or couldn't be. And the worst part is, hate is learned. We are not born hating others, we are taught to do so by our families, our peers, our leaders, etc. to hate certain things, groups of people, and ideas through stereotypes, personal experience, and fear. The best part is, because we learn it, we can also un-learn it.
I heard someone say once that one of the reasons they promote hating certain groups (like gays), is because hate brings people together. While that is obviously true on some level (I mean, just look at how many people went to buy some chicken), the part that bothers me is that people are being "brought together" at the expense of another; someone has to be left out in order for this to happen. Love, on the other hand, leaves out no one. Love is the only force that truly brings people together of every gender, race, sexual orientation, and class.
I get it; it's a lot easier to hate than it is to love for most people, because when you're hating, you're not paying attention to how you're really feeling, which is probably scared, hurt, confused, jealous, or something close to it. Have I hated on certain people and groups before? Yes. I'm not perfect. But what I realized is that whatever or whoever I was hating on only reflected my own fears, insecurities and anger (which all go hand in hand, by the way). We are all human and trying to find our way through this world as best as we know how.
At the end of the day, I don't really believe it's about gay marriage, women vs. men or black vs. white. I believe those are all just surface issues, concealing the core issue of humanity. I believe the core issue we all face is deciding how to live our lives in the most true, authentic way, where we are following our passions, and knowing that that is enough; that WE are enough, exactly the way we are. I have found that when I am happy and living my life the way I want to, I don't have the time nor desire to hate anybody or make people's choices in life my business. It's only when I feel trapped or stuck or inferior that I turn to that stuff to try and make my ego feel better, even though it doesn't really work in the long run.
Having a gay mom has had it's ups and downs, just like every family has, but I appreciate what life lessons it's taught me. Instead of screwing up my life and making me gay, contrary to popular belief, it has made me more accepting and open-minded to those different from myself. I strive to be more accepting every day, especially of myself. I don't always agree with everybody or approve of what they do, but it's THEIR life to live, not mine; their life is none of my business and doesn't affect me unless I let it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want to live more and more in love, and less and less in fear. I want to live more as my authentic self on my own unique life path, and let others do the same, wherever they are on theirs. I choose freedom, and all responsibility that comes with it.
The beauty of humanity is this: the human spirit cannot be suppressed forever. Control and hate may be powerful for a while, but it never wins in the end. Humans will always fight to be free, and free they will be.
