Patience is a Virtue

If there is anything at all that I've learned about life, it's that being patient makes it so much easier and flow much more smoothly. Patience seems to have been this week's lesson, because it sprung up three different times within seven days.

Growing up we're taught to rush everywhere and everything, and that you're a nuisance if you are slower in nature. We are constantly rushing to the place we next need to be, whether it be school, work, the beach, back home...wherever. At work we are only valued if we can do our jobs quickly and efficiently while still being the best at our craft. This is how we're trained; rush or be overcome by someone who can do it faster, better, and more cheaply than you can. This system was designed to create a world in which the dog-eat-dog principle is prominent, but I've seen a world where patience actually creates ease, beauty, and peace. I'll do my best to explain this world to you within a mere few paragraphs.

For the first time since I've been back, I went with the family to a museum/church nearby their house. This particular one was fun because there was a natural history museum built into the church, making two different types of tours possible. We were with the kids, so first we went into the history museum where there were tons of fossils, animals stuffed and showcased, dinosaurs and live fish from all around the world (even piranhas!). The kids had an absolute blast looking at all of the cool bones and stuffed creatures in the exhibits, saying "Guarda!" (look!) at everything. Michele, one of the little boys even went so far as to imagine what would happen if all of the fake animals came to life. Imagination is one of the things I love most about children...there is never a lack! It was really fun for me to see what each of the animals was called in Italian, too; it was a great vocabulary lesson!

They had some really cool exhibits that were more than just things stuck in glass (although those were cool too!). They created a replica of what they imagine prehistoric forests would have looked like all of those years ago so that you could feel like you were actually there! The other one was underwater themed (lit with blue lights!) with a humungous great white shark coming out of the wall. They did it quite brilliantly, actually; they painted the tail onto the wall in a curved manner and the rest of the beast facing towards you as you walk in. You could really get up close to see how gnarly their three layers of teeth are in real life...yikes!

We were almost done exploring the museum when I could tell that Alessandro (the father of the three boys Michele, Ascanio and Francesco) was getting really frustrated with his kids for being kids...running around and using their outside voices, etc. I noticed that he was constantly reprimanding one or all of them from doing something that, in my opinion, wasn't always necessary. And I do realize that I'm making a judgement before I really know what it's like to have three kids, but I feel that if you just practice patience, life with them would be ...better. I also realize that it's easier said than done. It was interesting for me to watch Ale getting so worn down by feeling like he had to yell at his kids every second, and it was clear to me how negative a toll it is on a person to be impatient, and for everyone involved. This was the first arrival of the theme of patience, and it made me realize how important it really is, and how much I hope I can maintain the patience I've learned to have with kids and people now and carry it over to when or if I ever have my own.

The second arrival of this particular theme came when I entered the main room of the church. It's been a while since I've been in an Italian church, so I'd almost forgotten how majestic they truly are. The chapel was breathtaking and gorgeous, ornately crafted with precious marble and detailed paintings covering every inch of wall-space. When I entered this room, an inexplainable energy washed over me and I was transported back in time when these rooms were being constructed, and I could feel creativity fill the room with each brush stroke. It never ceases to amaze me how much time a church like this took to complete (and this isn't even that big compared to the famous Duomos in Italy's major cities) and how much back-breaking labor a feat like this required. I remember learning that buildings such as these took around 400+ years to complete, and how patient people had to be to do so. To think that many generations of people had to dedicate time to this is so interesting to me. In our times, there is no way we would build something that took as long as these did, partly because we have technology that allows for shorter construction time, but partly because we have the attention span of a fly. Standing in such beauty reminded me that when you're patient, magnificent and wondrous things of tremendous worth are born.

There is also a time NOT to be patient, such as needing to pull out a growing wisdom tooth that is causing pressure pains all over above my neck. It seems 'wise' to rush to get something like that done, especially in a place where no one works very much during the summer, making appointment openings scarce. I would also advise against being patient in an abusive relationship, or in one where you are waiting for someone to change, because it won't happen; they won't ever change until you change yourself. I agree that life in general needs to be grabbed by the horns, but when it comes to day-to-day life I believe that being patient with most things, with others and especially with yourself is the best and most stress-free way to go. I've seen with my own eyes the importance of living life this way and how negatively being impatient affects our health, mental and physical.

After experiencing all of these separate "signals", I can see how much more patient I've become in my own life within the past year. I used to be so impatient, needing everything to be done asap and hating the things that took forever (like plane/car rides, for example). I used to judge people who didn't do exactly what I wanted them to do right when I wanted them to do it, or simply those who didn't do things they way I thought they should be done. I was uptight all the time and needed to control everyone and everything, and it was exhausting. And now I'm here, light and free and easy-going. The things that used to bother me just don't bother me anymore, and the things and people that used to trigger me don't trigger me anymore. I don't really know how it happened, but I am so grateful because it's made my life so much simpler. I feel like I am floating downstream on the river of life, able to truly appreciate how beautiful my surroundings are, where before I was desperately trying to paddle upstream, making appreciation impossible. In my world, being patient has created peace, beauty and ease in places and in ways I never thought possible.

I know that I am (and always will be) learning how to navigate myself through life, and that I am nowhere near perfect at it. I also know that sometimes life can be really hard, but I've proven to myself that it doesn't always have to be. As it turns out, they didn't teach us that patience is a virtue for nothing ;)

Layers

In the past month that I've been living in the beautiful countryside of Orzignano, I've made some interesting observations that I'd like to share. I know that I've still only scratched the surface, so these will grow and change with time, but right now this is what I see in my world!

First, Italians hardly ever say 'I love you' to the people in their life that they happen to love. I don't know if this is just within this particular family or if it's a general Italian thing, but to me it's the weirdest concept to digest because in my family, we say 'I love you' all the time: when we get off the phone with each other, when we do nice things for each other, when one of us leaves the house to go to school or work, right before we all go to bed, etc...you get the point. I've never thought of it as excessive before, but maybe it is? I've caught myself almost saying 'I love you' to Giulia when I say goodnight out of habit with my own family. But at the end of the day whether it's excessive or not, I can't imagine not saying it to the people I love as often as I do...

Second, with almost all of the Italians I've met and spoken with, I've noticed that when they speak English, they say 'fantastic' a lot (in their adorable accent mind you). It seems to be their favorite word to describe the things and places they adore. It's really cute, especially because most of the English-speakers I know rarely use it! To put it in perspective, they use 'fantastic' almost as much as we say 'awesome'. Yes, that much. They also use 'in fact' a lot in places we would never use it (we would use 'actually' instead), and this I can understand since in Italian they say 'infatti' all the time. I love living with this family for many reasons, but one of the main ones is that I'm learning how Italians really speak, and I'm learning that [thankfully] they don't speak like a textbook ;) It has been perfect for furthering my knowledge of this beautiful language.

Third, they love American music. I realized this last year in Florence too, but I thought maybe they constantly played it to make tourists feel more at home, but no...they actually...like...it. I hear it at the beach where I'm sure no tourists go and in many other VERY Italian places. Wherever I go it seems like, I hear the lyrics of On the Floor and Higher and Waka Waka (Cecilia's personal favorite). I guess I can't be too surprised about it since I really like Italian music, something that might make Italians raise their eyebrows. Maybe it has something to do with the foreign language that is so appealing, because it's out of the ordinary and new and exciting, but who knows. Music is one of the best ways to learn language (slang, too) in a fun, interactive kind of way...but I think I would like it even if I had no idea what they were saying.

Speaking of beaches, their system is totally different...and in my opinion, totally crazy. The price, anyway. Giulia told me that to rent a space on the beach complete with your own little cabina (basically a small storage space for beach toys, picnic supplies, etc.) is around 1,800 EURO for the year. THAT'S INSANE! At least they can split it between family members, but still. That's a ghastly amount to pay for some fun in the sun. Another very different thing compared to our beaches is that the sand is covered with chairs and umbrellas that are there permanently (which have also been assigned to the renters), and are different colors depending on the "bagno" (pronounced bahn-yo) they're a part of. There are a million of these bagni along the coast, each with a different name, and some of them are actually pretty creative; paradiso, venere (venus), perla (pearl), etc. From a bird's eye view I'm sure it looks like a rainbow coast!

Another thing I've noticed is that weekends in particular are reserved for spending quality time with family and friends. And when I say quality time I mean either dinner or the beach, nothing else usually. Everyone is at the beach Saturday and Sunday, which means that if you leave the house at 10:30am and then wait to leave the beach at 5:30pm, there will be an extremely long line of cars to and from that can delay you an hour or more on a car ride that is supposed to take 25 minutes. So far I've been pretty lucky to avoid the worst of these dreaded lines, and I hope it stays that way! Anyway, back to the point, which was that every single weekend they have dinner with their outside family either at their house or at ours. For some of you this may seem completely natural and are wondering why I think it's so different, but in my world weekends are quiet, relaxing days around the house spent normally just with immediate family. Of course we see other family members and invite them over sometimes and vice versa, but not nearly as often as they do here. And I think I've gone to the beach more here in one month than I have in the past three years at home. I actually have tan skin again!

Italians yell and raise their voices a LOT. They do this more than enough at each other, but especially at their kids. I don't think I've ever heard so much yelling in everyday life about such simple things, and I actually (in fact haha) don't remember my mother ever yelling at us kids that much. Dad yelled a lot more in general, but the only time I can really remember my mom yelling was when we would do something that really scared her (like walking into the street without looking both ways). Anyway, I think their continuous yelling has a lot to do with strong Italian pride. They can be very touchy and get set off by the slightest wrong action, whether it's an honest mistake or a tad rebellious, which then constitutes the string of angry, scolding words. In my mind it's a bit excessive, but it is what it is. It's one thing I'd rather avoid if I ever have my own kids.

This experience is light-years different than the one I had in Florence. I didn't know it while I was living there, but now I can see that I got a very surface level view of Italy and Italian culture, and now it almost doesn't feel real. It's almost impossible to really get a feel for a place until you live with natives, either literally with them or just near them, and have experienced thoroughly more than just one city. It's also really hard to get a deep understanding of a culture when there is a torrential pour of tourists flooding the city. I don't want to diminish the experience I had last year because it was beautiful in it's own way, but I'm having a much more authentic experience this time. I wanted a deeper understanding of Italy and that's exactly what I'm getting, and I'm even more in love with it than before.

I'm sure I'll continue to discover funny, strange, interesting, crazy, beautiful things, people and concepts, and it excites me that I have the opportunity to peel back the layers of what it really means to be Italian. For some reason I love these prideful, emotional, passionate creatures more and more each day...this is definitely where I belong.

Cecilia

I've been getting to know Cecilia (Ceci or Cec for short) for the past month now, and I'm already starting to fall in love with this little girl. I'm beginning to understand who she is as an artist, a daughter, and a person, and I love watching how she reacts to certain things, handles different situations, and lights up when talking about specific things. Although it's only been a month, I feel a strong bond with Cec because I can see so much of myself as a child in her.

I've come to realize that Cecilia is very intelligent and very creative (she has an enormous imagination!). Her two favorites things to do with her free time (other than playing on her handheld nintendo, computer or Wii) are drawing and reading, and she is brilliant at both of them. She loves to read in both Italian and English and can finish a large book within a matter of a few hours. At least from what I can see her favorite books are the Geronimo Stilton series, an Italian series written in the perspective of a mouse who always has lots of drama going on.

We've spent hours drawing Pokemon together, as currently this is her absolute favorite cartoon in the world (she has millions of cards and games and figures dedicated to this as well). In the time that I draw one, she will have drawn three, and each time she shows me one I'm more and more impressed by her skill. It's funny because I remember when Pokemon first came out, and how passionate I was about it, and actually I think it was a family thing. Even my mom got into the card game (sorry, Mom, your secret's out ;)). Though this love for pokemon will probably pass within a couple years, it's fun to see her be so passionate about something.

She's also quite musically inclined, and will sometimes sit and practice on her own or show off her skill to her family (and in the picture on the right, to her friend Guelfo). She's really good at playing the piano, especially for only having done it a short time, and it's fun to watch her play along with the pre-recorded beats on the electric keyboard. I remember my own piano days, playing on the nice one at Mom's and then the keyboard at Dad's, and doing the exact same thing as Cec does now. I loved those tunes and would use them as a way to make the thirty minutes a day go by faster :) It's fun to see her play the same exact songs I learned when I first started.

Another thing I've noticed about Cecilia is that she is a natural born leader. She likes to be in control of her own world, and that's something I can relate to very closely. When she's in a group, she likes to be the one to direct people and be in the spotlight while doing something, even if all they're doing is playing in the sand. While she may not have the balance of leadership and humility down yet, I love this trait and I hope she continues to be the leader of her own life no matter what she's doing. She's someone I could see being a perfect art director or something close to it in the future.

She also has a little rebellious streak going already, and I think this ties into her leadership qualities. More often than not she will do something just because you want her to do the opposite. If she does something, it will be her idea and no one else's, which I think comes from her father. While this can be annoying and frustrating at times, especially when you want her to brush her teeth, set the table, eat her fruit or go to bed, it makes me chuckle to myself and I actually hope that as Cec grows up she never loses the ability to think for herself or to choose to do something because she decides it's appropriate for herself, not just because someone tells her to.

Watching how this family functions is a pleasure for me. It's fun to see the similarties and compare the differences to that of my own family, and to do my best to understand and respect those differences. Living with them as a whole has also helped me understand Cecilia better. Having an independent, creative,  intelligent mother, and a stubborn, passionate father, I can understand more of why Cec is the way she is. I am very curious to know how she turns out in the future; who she becomes and what she chooses to do with her precious life.

There times when taking care of her can be tough, but I wouldn't change a thing about her. She is where she is for a reason, and I believe many of her "faults" now will pass with time and life experience, as well as pick up new faults as those new experiences enter her world. I know that she will become exactly who she is meant to be, learning and changing and growing with each passing year. No matter who she becomes in the future, I have grown to love this beautiful little girl and her family, faults and all.